This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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