Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wish there were birth control emojis
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
