What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
