She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
