I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
