So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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