im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
