the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
