boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
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No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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