Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
