His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
