You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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