my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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