I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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