I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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