alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize