Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
