The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
