I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
