after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
