I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.