I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night