He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.