Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize