So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
