He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
