I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she looked like the before picture.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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