Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
