New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
