you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
