So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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