Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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