Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
