Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
