she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
