hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
