I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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