he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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