Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
