I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
im six kinds of drunk right now
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
