I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
