just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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