my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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