C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
