and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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