there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
