Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
