i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i drank out of a bidet.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
