Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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