In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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