I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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