She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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