there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
