yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
