Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
