Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
