if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You are a genius and a whore.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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