I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
