hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
