You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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